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Will the Real You Please Stand Up?

An exploration of authenticity in social media and in real life.

In one of my recent social media gatherings, a group of us reflected on what it’s like to eventually meet each other in person. Someone mentioned that they find it interesting when they meet people and there is a disconnect between the online persona and the physical person. Someone that is an introvert in real life can easily become an outspoken extrovert when shielded by a monitor screen. No matter who you are, it’s always nice to bridge the online and physical connection, but it begs the question: which you is the authentic YOU? The introvert or the extrovert? The person you are putting forth in real life or the person you present to your online counterparts? And how do you choose who sees what?

In life in general, the dynamics of any relationship or connection are hard because we are not just about our personal brands. “We are complex beings whose emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical selves are in a constant dynamic state of change. We are social beings who find health, not in self-projection, but in self-giving, in actions of creating and sacrifice.” [Ed Brenegar]

In real life, our actions speak louder than our words.

In contrast, actions and thoughts move much more quickly on the Internet. In response to instant communication, we often say before we think and in some cases our emotions don’t have opportunity to catch up with how quickly we speak. How many times have we pulled the trigger on an e-mail or sent an instant message only to regret what was said two seconds later? The price of instant communication is to not always have the time to think things through. And if you’re anything like me, those extra two seconds are extremely valuable!

In social media, our words speak louder than our actions.

The Juxtaposition of Real Life and Social Media

Two of the most prominent words you will hear among social media enthusiasts, myself included, on how to manage an online presence, is to be genuine and authentic. Obviously, people have different interpretations of what being genuine and authentic means. I can authentically be an extrovert online while still genuinely be an introvert in real life (by the way, this is SO not me). And I think what it comes down to is deciding what your personal brand is to be, the personality you build behind it, and with whom you share that personal brand.

This is crucial whether you are an individual developing or participating in a brand ambassador program, a company dipping into social media, or anybody who seeks to genuinely connect with others. In any workshop, discussion or webinar that I attend, you will hear me (and any other social media consultant) say that the way for people or organizations to build trust with their audience is through authenticity.

I recently came across an extremely interesting post by Ed Brenegar on “Being Authentic in Inauthentic Times” and he raises some salient points that I think are important not just for being authentic in social media, but also in real life. I’ve taken the liberty of extending his points (in bold) with those of my own, the combination of which will enable you to be the real YOU when you stand up.

  1. Authentic people do not go around projecting their self-important personality on everyone they encounter. Authenticity in my personal brand is based on being able to express the genuine passion I have for employee engagement and enterprise collaboration with other social media enthusiasts, being able to share information and learn from each other. Be a meaningful resource by sharing information that you genuinely support or initiate conversations with those who express a genuine interest in what you do — understanding that not everyone shares what the same passion as you do. Don’t always talk, but listen too; and know that there is a time to be “on” and a time to be “off.”
  2. Virtual identities are not real identities, and virtual relationships are mimics of real relationships. Personally, this is something that I struggle with ALL the time. I have developed meaningful relationships online that have never extended to meeting in person. Do I think these relationships are less genuine than the ones that I have in real life? Absolutely not. However, I also believe it’s easy to lose your authentic self when you’re living solely through a virtual identity that is not derived out of who you are in real life. I would like to think that I am just as passionate and vibrant in person as I come across online, no matter what the topic may be. The question is: are YOU?
  3. Don’t tell me, show me your authenticity. If you are that person who is always “on,” ask yourself how people will know who is the real you when you are “off”? I see it lots … someone who constantly engages and entertains groups of people and yet they don’t know how to remain engaged in their most intimate connections. Reserve something for your personal, real life connections, so that they know they are special from everyone else you know online and offline…. and so they can be privy to a more authentic you.

To be honest, I think the only person who can truly evaluate who the real you is… YOU. Are you the person who is the introvert who becomes vibrant online? Or are you the silent observer who comes alive when you are in face-to-face conversations? Strive to be that authentic person… and you will find that you can stand up to be the REAL you and have much more genuine and meaningful relationships — both in social media and in real life.

11 thoughts on “Will the Real You Please Stand Up?”

  1. Pingback: 2010 – A Great Year For Exchanging Intranet And Social Workplace Articles | Intranet Experience Blog

  2. Thanks for sharing this post with the Social Media in Organizations (SMinOrgs) Community, Elizabeth. As a couple of folks in the LinkedIn group noted, digital “authenticity” has to be created within the context of specific roles and circumstances, just as it is in real life. One of the risks (and justifiable criticisms) of digital chatter is that too many people have insufficient filters, talking straight from their “id” and ignoring their “super ego” (to put it in Freudian terms). Tempered authenticy – being truthful without telling the whole truth – is probably the best approach.

  3. I am an outspoken person who rarely makes excuses for speaking my mind however just as in real life. However, I find that I censor myself much more when communicating via the written or typed word whether it be an email, a status update or even a simple text message. Words hold so much power but the typed word can be much more hurtful due to the lack of personal tone, facial expressions, etc. You can always retract a statement but the damage has already been done.

    In regards to who I am in person versus who I am online, I hold back from mostly everybody. There are only a select few who truly get to see the pure and authentic ME. I think most people operate with that same mentality and therefore the real problem would be if they’re incapable of allowing anybody to see the who they truly are without all of the censoring or the bells and whistles. Those are the people who hold so much in and are incapable of true lasting relationships because most likely they don’t really like themselves enough to reveal the truth.

  4. I try to be the same IRL and online because it takes way too much effort otherwise. My online relationships mean something to me. In both I desire more, am paranoid and try to remain as introverted as possible


  5. I would like to believe I am the same in person that I am online. Point #3 really pointed to something I fail to do regularly: save something that I don’t share online. I mean, I’m really not into over sharing but much of what captures my interest can be found online. I’m so glad to reflect on this point to improve.

    What I’ve found can also happen online is that I meet someone, really enjoy talking to them but find that in real life, it is more a case of, “…but what can you do for me?” which completely changes the picture for me once I detect that quality. Then, it becomes a case of “you’ll never know what I can do for you”. I am very imperfect and acknowledge this in making this statement.

    I believe that discovering & meeting authentic souls is ultimately a gift that you embrace. You just can’t help wanting to spread the word about such a person :)

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